Self Sabotage is Misguided Self Love
How can self sabotage be self love? We only have to look a bit deeper into the why behind any self sabotaging behaviour and realise it’s almost always a protection strategy.
Some part of our self feels that whatever we’re doing, trying, expressing or desiring isn’t safe, so wants to stop us from doing that.
Some part of our psyche is doing whatever it can to protect us from getting hurt or being in danger (because deep down we do love ourselves), and if staying safe means thwarting those big dreams so be it (the misguided part).
Sadly, the cost of “staying safe” can mean feeling painfully stuck and unable to move forward into what our heart and spirit really desire…and our heart and spirit always desire our greater expansion and expression.
Good news: we can change the belief patterns that trigger us into protective self sabotage!
It’s important to remember that these limiting parts of our psyche tend to be subconscious and come from old belief patterns often learned in childhood.
It’s also important to respect that the inner chid trying to protect us may have good reasons, and those reasons need to be acknowledged, addressed, examined and assuaged with compassion rather than criticism.
We need to reassure our inner child (that’s just trying to lovingly protect us), so they can be at ease and not feel the need to sabotage.
Here in lies our power to change.
By examining the underlying fears and questioning their current validity we regain the power to respond from our higher knowing.
Our higher knowing tells us why we don’t need to be afraid. Our higher knowing guides us into approaching our life in a way that supports our wellbeing.
So how do we access our higher knowing and shift out of self sabotage?
- Calm the stress response to whatever we’re sabotaging.
If we don’t feel safe it means our Limbic brain and stress responses are triggered. When this happens we don’t think clearly and often catastrophise or react with more fear. So, before we dive deep into questioning our underlying limiting belief patterns it helps to calm the nervous system.
The most effective way is with deep breathing. I recommend Four Count Yogic Breathing (4 counts on inhale, 4 counts on exhale). Do five to ten rounds of this deep breathing and then dive into the self inquiry.
- Get compassionately curios and clarify the validity of the fears.
Often we criticise ourselves for self sabotage, but this only puts us into more of a stress response and a downward spiral. Find compassion for yourself and get curious from that place. Start to ask yourself, “What is it I’m really afraid of? Why? Is that fear still valid in my life now? Did I learn that from old experiences?” Often just clarifying what we’re really afraid of takes the bite and power out of it. But just incase it didn’t, take the next step!
- Establish a plan to feel safe WITHIN our new endeavour, rather than by avoiding it.
Many of our fears are about the unknown, not feeling supported or taking on too much too fast. Our protection instincts kick in and we pull back. To avoid this, take the time to acknowledge what you need to feel safe within this new endeavour, rather than finding safety by avoiding or sabotaging it.
Ask yourself, “Am I pushing too hard? How can I approach this with less force? What support network do I have or need to call on to feel more comfortable? What has helped manage the unknown and learn/try/express something new in the past?”
- Anchor new thinking patterns with EFT Tapping.
Using the EFT Tapping practice to take the power out of your old patterning and anchor mind in a new pattern. If you don’t know the full EFT Tapping sequences gently tap the centre of your chest with both hands using fingertips. The tapping activates improved brain function and reduces the stress response.
Repeat these phases out loud or in your head while tapping:
“Even though I self sabotage,
I choose to support and accept myself anyway.
Even though I struggle with self sabotage,
I choose to witness myself with compassionate curiosity.
Even though I self sabotage,
I am open to letting go of all fear and limiting beliefs.
I choose to love and accept the part of me that is self sabotaging
and support that part of myself to know I am safe.
I choose to release all fears and limiting beliefs and focus on my higher truth and knowing.”
Finish by resting both hands over your heart centre and taking three deep breaths.
Find out more about how I work with EFT Tapping and Holistic Counselling.
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