Stop Self Sabotage, Stick to Your Goals – New Years Aligning Ritual
I’m not a big fan of the typical new years resolutions partially because most people don’t stick to them, only about 50 percent according to StatisticBrain. Not a very effective way to create change.
I do love, however, the ritual of reviewing the year gone and setting intentions about the one ahead and I wanted to share with you my little end of year ritual process.
It’s influenced by brilliant habit science gurus and thought leaders that have taught me highly effective ways to stick to the changes we desire.
First, I define intentions and resolutions differently.
Resolutions are specific goals to be achieved (like losing 5 kilo) whereas intentions are more about ways of being (like more patient, focused or affectionate).
In habit science parlance resolutions are called “results based goals” and intentions “identity based goals.” It sounds like a simple semantical difference, but to our psyche and the statistics of sticking to our goals, it’s a massive difference.
According to habit science guru James Clear most people are far more likely act on and stick to identity based goals and give up on results based goals.
So we want to focus on who we believe we are or can be (our identity) because our actions will always mirror that belief.
Yoga philosophy tells us that our truest identity is our light within, but unfortunately we all get lost in identifying with external, changing aspect of our life. The Yoga Sutras tells us that when we identify with that which changes, it leads to suffering.
But how do we recognise when we’re identify with our light? The answer is in the way we feel. When we’re identifying with our light we feel our best, and when we’re not it leads to suffering in the form of feeling stressed or not good enough or angry or jealous.
Second, I start with the feelings and then get specific.
The only reason we do or want anything in life (i.e. lose 5 kilo, get a new job, find a partner) is because of the way we think it will make us feel.
In other words, the real goal is the feeling we desire.
The badass thought leader Daniel La Port calls these our “core desired feelings” and says this is where we need to start the goal setting process.
We have to get clear on how we want to feel before we get specific about what we’re going to do. Then we need to evaluate if the results based goals match the identity or core desired feelings we truly want in our life.
Actions and intentions must align otherwise nothing will ever happen.
There have been so many times in my life that I’ve set out to do something and it didn’t work out or I didn’t stick to it or I self sabotaged.
Many times I moaned and whined “wwwhhhyyyyy?!” But when I stoped the self pity and actually genuinely asked “why” I always discovered that my underlying feelings or beliefs didn’t match up with the actions I was trying to take.
Non of your goals or desires will every be achieved until you get clear and in touch with those deep underlying feelings and beliefs and starting working there.
The process below will guide you into identifying and aligning intentions, cored desired feelings and actions — the winning formula for lasting change. Happy New Year!
NEW YEARS ALIGNING RITUAL
Get out your journal, pour a hot cuppa and dive into this beautiful eye opening process.
- Start with Gratitude. Make a list of all the things you’re grateful for that happened in the last year. Dr. Joe Dispenza says gratitude is the ultimate receivership. It puts us in a positive attitude of feeling empowered and recognising abundance, a great place to start intention setting.
- Identify the good feelings. Look back on the last year and starting writing down moments when you felt your best. Just jot down a moment, then write the feeling associated with it. For example, “When I was…hiking with my friend in the Blue Mountains. I felt… connected, present and loving.”
- Find the pattern. Look through that list and notice which feelings were repeated. Make a list of these as your core good feelings that reflect your identifying with your inner light. For example, I wrote that I felt “present and connected” on all most all of the good feeling moments of the last year.
- Set intentions to support core desired feelings. I’m assuming at the base of all of our intentions is the desire to feel our best. The above exercise showed us exactly what that looks like for us, so it makes sense to set intentions that keep supporting the feelings you wrote above. Answer the following question and get specific. Moving into the new year, the things I know will support the above feelings are:
- Set a theme for the upcoming year. Maybe there is a new way of being or feeling that you really want to cultivate in the year ahead. Take a moment to think through and journal about that, then come up with a theme word or phrase that represents it. For example, this year my theme word is “ease.” I want to feel more at ease with my career, with my health, in my relationship and in life overall. What is your theme word or phrase for the upcoming year?
- Set intentions to support theme. Get specific now with what you can do to support that theme and how you imagine it to look. If you can see it you can be it. Let your imagination be free and connected to the empowered and abundant place of gratitude. Answer these questions. What will support that theme in my life and how do I envision that unfolding in the next year?
- Make your theme word or phrase a daily mantra. Repeat your theme word or phrase before you meditate or do yoga, while you’re sitting at a red light or before going to bed. The more we repeat our intention the stronger we reinforce the attitude that will guide us into acting and living in the way we truly desire.
Happy New Year!!!
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